It’s cliché to say “kids these days” too often, but the generation about to head off to college is one that was almost literally raised on phones, and is showing signs of dependency and overuse. It’s a problem, one that we’ve covered fairly often in the past, but also especially relevant when a child is about to start their life of independence and head off to college.
Phones are the enemy of productivity. They are a distraction that can create problems that a young person may be ill equipped to solve, especially on their own. Yet independence is independence for a reason. It is now, or will be, very difficult to stop your child from spending too much time on their phones if they want to, and they *are* going to need their phones.
So what can you do?
Start With Teaching, Move on to Other Strategies
First, of course, have a general talk with them about phone use, college, and what they need to succeed. They might roll their eyes or think you’re exaggerating, as teens often do, but the sooner you talk to them in general, the sooner you lay the groundwork for addressing the issue and helping make them more aware of their technology use.
Next, have some type of low pressure follow up to phone use. One of the simplest ones to consider, which you can implement very easily, is have your child screenshot their time on phone numbers that they receive from most smartphones and send it to you at the end of every month. Often, they’ll get a notification like “you have spent an average of 6.5 hours on your phone each day” and then you can talk to them about school, their life, how much time that really is, and what you can do to decrease it – motivating them to reduce it.
Finances can be a problem, but it may also be a good idea to consider supporting your child in non-phone related activities. For example, helping pay for a sports club they can sign up for that will keep them busy and off their phones. Sometimes, distraction activities that cannot be completed on a phone can help break addiction cycles.
Encourage them to set up controls that limit their phone use. It may be difficult to get them to agree, but may young people do not realize how much they’re on their phones, so if there are controls or reminders of how much time they’re on them, it can help train them to not use the phone as often.
Finally, try to reduce the number of apps they have. Encourage them to limit themselves to one social media account, one chat account, and limited games and other distractions. Encourage them not to use their phones for things they can easily do in alternative places – for example, not using their phone as a TV if they have a TV, so that they’re not always looking at their phone.
Regular Check Ins For Maximum Impact
Plan to schedule calls for you both to catch up on school and other items of note, and make it a point at that time to talk about how school is going, their phone use, and if they’re engaged in anything outside of their phone (time out with friends, clubs, etc.).
It’s challenging for all of us to get off of our phones and start spending more time in the “real world.” But it’s incredibly valuable, it helps you succeed in school and in life, and it improves our mental health.
Working with your kids on this may lead to a lot of groans and complaints, but you remain their best teacher and the one that can best help them learn how to control these addictions. Don’t forget to lead by example as well, because if they see you on their phone all the time, it’s going to normalize it for them.
